Friday, April 20, 2012

Growing up ..STILL

 The original purpose of this blog was to document the  slow progression of my hermit status into a hopeful social butterfly type. I'm not exactly flying around buzzing with the bees, but I've definitely come quite a few inches out of my proverbial shell.

I'm confident that I'll be prepared to handle the socialization that will come with reentering the workforce once Cutecumber starts school in a few years. I had been almost crippled by that fear when I first started this thing. Now I'm almost (dare I say) excited?

Ms. Thang is at that crucial age where life starts going twice the speed. In under 5 years she will go from 14 to having a job, a car, and in her case, graduating with an Associates Degree. It's going so fast. I've really had to discuss everything from boys, religion, politics, and just life in general; trying to plant seeds, establish strong roots and cram as much "learn from my mistakes" information in as I can before she enters into the fast pace of Life's Highway. She's already cruising the on-ramp people. It's coming fast.

As I try my hardest to prepare her in this teeny tiny short period of time, it forces me to weed out the unnecessary and focus on the more important issues in life. I find myself taking my own advice, prioritizing the more important things, and letting go of things that, in the grand scheme of life, just really don't matter.

And there have been things that needed to be discussed and I honestly just did not know how to start it, or what to say. It's hard to push your children to do things you never did. Do as I say, not as I do. You seem like such a hypocrite! You become overwhelmed with every emotion there is on the planet!
Love- wanting what is best for your child. Wanting more for them than you ever had.
Sadness- Telling them to go forward, prosper, Pointing them in a direction that takes them out of your safe and loving arms.
Fear- scared you're doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, giving advice on things you never experienced yourself.
Pride and Joy- Watching them take your advice and do the right thing. Seeing them excel where you failed. Realizing they don't always follow your advice, and their way was good too, sometimes..even better.

I pray about it A LOT and talk to my mom A LOT.  It's the best we can do you know. TRY. If you don't TRY then you fail. I know I don't always have the answers for her, but I am going to try my hardest and hope that she looks back and says "My mom loved me enough to talk about that and TRIED". That's how I feel about my mom. Especially now, as I am going through things as a mother, and not from the teen's point of view, as I was when my mom went through them. It puts everything in a new perspective. You view your mom as A MOTHER, not just your "Mom", but as the woman that paved the way down your personal path through motherhood. It's an amazing thing. So yes, she is an obvious choice to go to for pep talks before I give MY pep talks lol.
Sometimes I start an important topic without an idea of where it's going but I know it needs to be discussed.There are times I look back and think.. Wow, that went really good! I try to reiterate it and it just wont come out as gloriously as it did before and I thank God, for putting those words in my mouth when I needed them most. Which is something my mom helped me understand, so I thank her too. :)

But the weirdest part is, I'm saying these things, giving this advice, telling her "YOU CAN" and "YOU'RE WORTH IT" and "YOU'RE SMART ENOUGH" knowing that I am 100% right, and it starts to sink in for me as well. I can, I'M worth it, I'M smart enough, I need that advice too! And so, I've been learning, growing, and preparing right along with her.

She's a completely different and separate being from me. Same as I am different from my mother. We all have our own journey, our own way of doing things, our own faults. For me, I try to pull away from everything, focusing only on me and those in my own little world. It's easy to be comfortable and be myself in my own home. It's not the "real world", it's my world.  It's staying true to myself around others, being comfortable in my own skin outside of my safe,controlled, world that is the real test, my real journey. God doesn't want me to be a good Christian behind these doors. He wants me to be strong in my faith and who I am outside too! With others, socializing, having friends to keep me in touch with reality.
 Friends don't mess up your perfect world by bringing in outside issues (my #1 excuse), they bring real issues that help you realize your little world isn't perfect. They give you perspective that you can't get in your tiny little world, and they give you a chance to share your own knowledge experience to help others.

I hope this made some sense. It's kind of all over the place, but basically, God is great, Family is wonderful and I can have all that here, in my little hermit shell. But there is more out there. We are social creatures and whether I like it or not, I need people. I'd never tell my daughter to hide herself away from everything (although I WANT to) but I know it isn't what's BEST. I want her to have more because she is worth it, and now I know that I am worth it too.

1 comment:

  1. I love this....

    -Crystal P


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