All the leaves are brown and the sky is gray...

Well the snow missed us. Drat! I really wanted to see some, but it looks like we may get a little of the white stuff in a few days. I won't be holding my breath though. I'm a little lucky that it didn't snow because I do have a few errands to run this afternoon and I don't have to worry about slick roads or making the baby sick while I'm out.

Now that I mention it, I'm not really sure what it is about snow that makes me want it so badly. I think it goes back to those school days when you wake up, look outside and your mom says those magic words, "No school today!" Now that I can look back, reflection shows she wasn't as thrilled as we were, but being a mother myself now, makes that all clear. lol

Even as I got older, I enjoyed working on "snow days" because all my jobs were dealing with the public and on days with dreary weather, you didn't get many customers and most of the day was goofing off with your coworkers.

Now, snow is something different to me. I still have that excitement when I look out the window and see the snow, but now its so symbolic. Really, it's a cold blanket of death, snuffing out the remaining green life of summer. It's a clean and beautiful death though. Necessary for the rebirth of spring, which is really my favorite season. I love new beginnings, but this dieing of the old is important.

I can't help but reflect on my life and things that are dying with in me. Some that harder to accept, and other things that I wish I had let go of long ago. The "chase" is gone now that I am coming up on my 6th year of marriage to my Honey, but the comforts and dependability of a long term relationship are popping up like little flowers in the spring. I've never experienced these things before. I can't say that I don't miss the chase at times, but I enjoy these little flowers even more. Knowing where my honey is, not because he told me, but because I know him and his habits. Picking out a gift he likes without it being on his "list". Things like that.

I've been letting the snow fall on the parts of me that strive for perfection. A perfect home, perfect wife, perfect mom. I'm learning to let the little things go. It's been an ongoing struggle for me in my life, but I feel a change. I feel myself letting go and not panicking as the reigns slide out of my hands. I'm giving them to God more and more, and I can't wait to see what this spring brings. I still have a long way to go, but I already feel calmer, happier, and less worried about things that never really mattered in the first place.

I love the symbolism of each season, and although I'm all about spring, I appreciate the necessities of winter. I want to see that snow!