Friday, September 10, 2010


I think I've finally accepted that my Honey doesn't have a 9-5 job anymore. It only took me a year lol
There are days that he leaves before I wake up and comes home after I've gone to bed. He does get to sleep in the truck so he isn't driving sleepy. I was really worried about that at first, but he assures me that he does sleep. :)

He is supposed to have off on Sundays but it averages out to every other Sunday. I kept waiting for things to "calm down" and it forced me to put a lot of things on hold for too long. I've finally just accepted that life must go on and things have been a lot better!

I appreciate our time together much more. He is never home before dinner. Ever. I HATED it! But now, we often get the mornings together, after the kids have gone to school and I really enjoy that. He loves to cook breakfast. What a weirdo right? But he does, and I like to watch him cook while I have a cup of coffee and Cutecumber keeps us entertained with her funny toddler faces and quips. These are moments to treasure and I actually can treasure them now that I've stopped using the time to sulk about him leaving soon and not see him until after dark. Nobody loves a Debbie Downer, but luckily my husband pacified me for a whole year until I finally came around lol.

I've also been assessing my role as Mom and all that I do. I was in a funk, feeling like I was always a step behind in chores. I was feeling under appreciated and my job as a stay@home mom was losing value to me. Sometimes I get sick of my job, just like anyone else. I was feeling sorry for myself and missing the things I sacrifice for my kids like nice clothing, salon hair, child free time with friends, a social life, vacations with the hubby, etc...

I wish I had Victoria secret bras and pencil skirts with expensive shoes, but at least I know that my friends love me for the real me, in mom jeans, converse shoes and t-shirts.

I wish I had a girls night out or dates at fancy restaurants with my honey, but instead I see my son excel in reading and writing because I was there to help him everyday after school.

I wish I had more time to focus on me, tan, salon, manicures, but instead I do my nails at home with my daughter and listen to her problems and know how she's doing/feeling in these difficult teen years.

I know I opt to play games on the computer over moping the floors, and I know I could make better choices about how I use my time and find a better balance between the kids and myself, but I do have my priorities straight, and that is something to be proud of. My kids are fine. They are better than fine. :)

So now I've been trying to break out of this shell where I feel like I can't do anything for me because it somehow means less for my children. I know in the long run my kids (especially my daughters) will be better off seeing that a mother doesn't have to sacrifice her "self" completely for her children. It's a ridiculous standard I've set and it's hard to crack! I've let it go on so long that I have sort of forgotten who I am and what I like to do other than mom stuff (which I do enjoy) but I know there is more to me. I'm just having trouble knowing where to water and make those things grow. What ARE my personal goals? I'm not currently working towards anything. I realized how great it feels to have a goal to work towards when I did the yard work the other day. I worked hard, saw results and reaped the benefits. I felt great afterwards. I need something to work towards. I need long term goals. Something other than the everyday stuff like, do the dishes, cook dinner, and keep the kids alive. lol

I don't really know where I intended to go with this. You just have the..umm...pleasure?...of getting a glimpse into my rambling mind today. Any advice?


  1. girl, i think i've told you a million times now how much i just LOVE your blog. i needed to read this today because i'm 100% feeling the same way. i'm completely stuck in a hard spot. i'm wanting to branch out and work on my goals... (do i have goals? who am i? lol) but also knowing that my calling is to be MOM.... thanks for this today!

  2. Yea. I'm in the same boat... There are so many things I want to do other than my mom duties.... I want to go to school... I need to get my GED! I have lots of goals for ME but cant cause im overwhelmed by my mom stuff... which i LOVE so its hard to branch out, find a babysitter and get going.... ya know?

  3. Thanks girls, it feels good to know I'm not the only one struggling with those feelings. <3

  4. Well I think this last entry is proof that your blog been a smashing success for the main reason you started it! You have done so many great things for yourself and family and worked really hard getting out of the hermit tendencies:) Proud and so happy you cared enough to do it..and thank you so much for your honest and transparent sharing!! XOXOX


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