Cutecumber the Terrible.

I'm in desperate need of a vacation away from my children, namely my youngest.

Cutecumber is in the full throws of her terrible-twos stage. While I clean up one horrible disaster, she creates another. This is a daily occurrence and I'm having trouble staying on top of it because I'm a little under the weather lately and constantly a few hours behind in sleep

Just a few recent examples of this double disaster in action:

*She squeezes lotion onto the kitchen tile, which I find out by sliding across the floor and catching myself with an elbow to the center island. Asking me if she looks "piddy" (pretty) with her yummy cotton candy lotion coating her from head to toe, it was hard to be angry. That is, until I turn to get towels and she pulls a glass from the counter and shatters it amid the lotion creating one of the top 10 deadliest areas in the world.

*Watching TV alone around 10pm last night I hear a crash in my bathroom. I go running and apparently my two yr old can now open her bedroom door. She came running covered in blood-red "something" spattered across her legs and feet. It was frightening for a few moments until the smell of fingernail polish hit me because I was unsure if it was actually blood. It was still questionable after discovering the bottle had shattered into 4 pieces on the bathroom tile (flinging polish and glass in every direction of course) and she walked all over it with her bare feet. Fortunately, no cuts on her precious tootsies. Unfortunately, I have tiny red foot prints on my carpet, from my master bath to my bedroom door. I have not dealt with those yet, even now after noon the following day. Oh, and this disaster came in two's also. I immediately sat her in the computer chair, checking her feet for cuts and glass, paying no attention to her hands. Long story short, confiscated bubbles, an insane reward from my son's teacher, were soon running through my hair and down the front of my shirt.

and just earlier that day I had to deal with this permanent marker disaster...


where I was still hopeful enough to snap a picture and think I'd look back and laugh.

Now, if you are anything like me, I would look at pictures of marked kids, paint spills and make-up disasters and think, "Where was this mother while these things happened, and why did she have so many dangerous things within a two year old's reach?" especially before children, because back then I was a perfect mother. But to those of you wondering, as many of you with multiple children already know...

IT'S THE FAULT OF MY OTHER CHILDREN!


Mom, I left it out on an accident.
Mom, I forgot to shut the bathroom door.
Mom, I'll watch her while you pee.
Mom, help me with, watch this, where is my, can you please...let me distract you for every second of the day so my younger sister can try and kill us all!

I don't need an actual vacation. At this point, I'd settle for a few hours alone. Long enough that I could take a bath rather than a 5 minute shower where I only wash my hair and hit the important spots, and clean a room without out sacrificing another area to a half supervised toddler, a dinner where I don't get up once until I'm finished, and a few chapters of a book that doesn't rhyme or begin with "once upon a time...".

I just want a few hours to step away and appreciate that I'm busy with life and not alone in silence. A moment to myself to realize my husband still hugs me just as tight whether I've showered in minutes or taken the extra time to shave my legs. Enough time to back away from the edge and realize a messy house is not worth going over the cliff of sanity, when the mess makers are actually the only things that keep me sane and grounded in this world.

Or maybe I just needed a moment to write out my thoughts in a blog while my toddler naps. :)