Here it is, almost 3 a.m. and I'm up worrying for just about everyone in the world. Worrying for the people of Japan. Worrying about my own children and their friends and classmates. I worry enough to put quite a few gray hairs on my 33yr old head. I know it's pointless, and after a lot of hard worry work I give it all to God. But give me 24 hours and I'm doing the same thing.
I wonder if this is a "woman" thing or a "mother" thing. For me, the two happened simultaneously so it's hard for me to differentiate.
Shortly after Ms. Thang was born, she got a really terrible diaper rash. I stayed up all night doing everything I possibly could to ease the pain until I could take her to the pediatrician the next morning. I told my mom how I couldn't sleep at all because I was so worried about her and she said, " Welcome to motherhood. You start worrying about them the minute they are born and you never stop until the day you die."
It stuck with me as I already loved her unconditionally and knew it was true. I even felt a bit differently about my mom in that moment, understanding her side of our own bond and realizing she was worrying for me all my life and would always be.
One thing she failed to mention was that I would also take on a motherly role for every child I encountered from that moment on, seeing my own children in the faces of all children and worry for them as well.
It's overwhelming at times, especially when you are helpless to do anything but worry, like with the tragedy in Japan, and like every night I pray and put my worries in the only hands that can do anything with it. But it does comfort me to know that I am worrying for these things, just as my mom is also and praying about her worries for me, and her mother for her, and undoubtedly I am worrying and praying with millions of other women and mothers into the wee hours of the night who's mothers are all worrying and praying for each of them. How loud we must sound to God. What a song it must be to hear this lineage of women and mothers trusting him with our most precious things.
Sorry for rambling and typos, I'm typing this from my phone and it IS 3a.m :)
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I didn't notice any typos or rambling in this profound post. You're absolutely right- worrying comes with age, but even more so with mommyhood.
ReplyDeleteI used to like driving fast, living moment for moment. Now, here I am cursing at the drivers speeding by me. After all, don't they know what precious cargo I'm hauling?
Sometimes, it takes a kick in the head to remind me that I'm never at this alone. After I miscarried, my coworker sat me down and helped me by telling me to visualize me physically handing my worries to God. It worked and I was able to heal.
YOUR A WONDERFUL WOMAN! :) HAVE A GREAT WEEK ANGEL!
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