I've been listening to XM radio and I love it. Particularly the 80s and 90s, which brings me back to different times in my life. Most are happy, but yesterday, as I'm driving my oldest home from school, It's Been Awhile- Staind comes on the radio, and I'm singing along, not really thinking of why I know the words or what it really means. Ms. Thang looks at me and says, "I'm surprised you know this song so well. My dad likes it too." She has that same old question in her eyes. It is a curious thing since he and I have mostly opposite taste in music. We are very opposite really. I've noticed as she gets older, she is always questioning and searching for a common ground between me and her dad. I don't know if she is aware of it, but she does it a lot. Always mentioning when we feel the same way about things, or like something that is the same. That's the whole thing though. We had things in common as young kids (marrying in our teens) but now that we have matured and grown into ourselves we don't have a lot in common at all. Hence the split.
So my mind is drifting a bit to that time and the song playing on the radio. I start to realize when the song came out and why the words were important enough to remember.The entire Stained album was the soundtrack for the split and the divorce.
"...And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry..."
With their darker
melodies and awesome meaningful lyrics, it's probably the soundtrack to
every breakup in history. So I don't know why it touched me to think we may have both been listening to it during that time.
I suddenly felt sorry for that young couple. The odds were against them from the beginning. They had no chance, yet invested so much into that hopeless love.
And there I was, on Loop 250, with the 15yr old daughter that resulted from that little couple, listening to a song that keeps those feelings in a time capsule, thankful that I opted to wear sunglasses, because I see her quietly listening, wondering if the words her parents sing along to were ever for each other.
Just to make it clear, I'm not pining for my ex husband. I don't even really know the guy now. I'm just mourning a simple, childish love that wasn't strong enough to make it, and sorry that Ms. Thang has to dig deep to understand that she did, indeed, come from love, even if it didn't last.
I'll end this with another Staind song that fits better with the now...
So Far Away
"...Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here it's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive
And I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today..."