Well, actually my backyard looks a bit better still, but inside is a disaster. The laundry is bad enough that my Honey wore black socks to work. I'll pay for that later when he takes his boots off after work. *bbbarf!* and dishes that won't all fit in the dishwasher at once. Man I dread those two load days. I'd have never made it as a pioneer woman.
I hate how unbalanced I am. I hate that I can only maintain so much until an unexpected TINY thing like a visit from my grandparents (which I did enjoy and loved, don't get me wrong!)throws my entire routine off. I can look back and see where it went bad. I know my grandparents totally heart me, so there wouldn't be any judging toward my pile of dishes. I just stacked them a little neater and opted to use the saved time chit-chatting to my mom on the phone. "Procrastination" and "Poor priorities" are a hermits two best friends lol. Actually, I usually spend the night before detailing the house, and the day-of making everything as perfect as possible, with insane self set standards. At least I've learned to chill out on that a bit. I was even relaxed before the b-day party. I do like that I'm not working myself into a frenzy anymore before guests show up.
But today I still feel inadequate as a human being. I can't keep up everyday tasks and take time for me. I can't do outside projects and maintain the chores inside. I find myself yearning for one week of no social interaction or surprise visits so I can get back to "normal" but that is the "normal" I am trying to leave behind. That is the hermit shell I am trying to break out of. It's so hard for me to deal with life's minor inconsistencies and yet that IS life.
I love Easter and I will be so happy that day, and doing the projects like coloring eggs with my kids, but right now, the idea of it being this weekend makes me want to crawl back in bed. I feel defeated that yet another "something" is happening this weekend. I wish I didn't feel that way, but I do. My gut reaction is to feel like "Why clean the kitchen when we will just dye eggs on Sat.?" or "Why sweep the living room floor when it will be covered in Easter grass on Sun.?" or "Why diet now when there will be candy on Easter?" (right? lol) And although I know most people think these things at times, I feel as though I fight these feelings everyday.
I know. Woe is me. Poor poor Angel. It's pathetic. I wish I knew how to turn it all off, build a bridge and get over it, but look at my house:
Ok ok, it's not my house. It's some chick in Houston and you can see more of the mess here. Apparently someone really likes Whataburger. YIKES! I guess it's true what they say. There is always someone worse off than you.
Siiiiiigggghhhh. Pity party is over. I'll go do the dang dishes......